you were my dads littlest brother

you looked like him

at least in the pictures I saw of you

you liked to skateboard

my dad taught you how

he also taught you how to surf and play basketball

I saw a picture of that 

dad said you were his favorite

maybe because his oldest brothers drank

and you were the one that kept everyone happy

especially him

your friend was driving

and I think you were in the back with your girlfriend

not sure what happened

all I know is that there was a semi-truck 

and a collision

now 20 years later I'm wishing you were here

I always wonder what you would have looked like 

or what you even looked like at all

you left 3 months after my older sister was born

I know grandma and grandpa really miss you

we all do

but we know you're happy 

you are still loved by all of us

One of my biggest fears happened to two girls very close to me. They were only three when it started. He was their babysitters brother. He would "watch" them instead. It went on for about a year or so before their parents figured it out. They told the police. The boy was seventeen and was not tried as an adult, though he should have been. With the situation being very serious and awkward, the two families of the little girls moved away. Those little girls are now twenty, and have grown a lot from this trial, but have also struggled with depression. My intention of posting this is not to scare you, but to say that things do happen. It is okay to fear. In fact, it is healthy to fear. It keeps you cautious and aware. 

I fear I won't be a good parent. 

I fear I will never live out my dreams.

I fear I won't reach my goals.

I fear I will get kidnapped. 

I fear I will be remembered for my mistakes. 

I fear I won't graduate.

I fear I will die.

I fear I won't finish college. 

I fear I won't be good enough.

I fear I will never get married. 

I fear I will be alone.

I fear I won't be able to be myself. 

 

sometimes i feel like my body can't keep up with my brain. i have at least 11 songs stuck in my head at all times, and another 14 ideas racing around in my mind. i try to pay attention in school.i really do. but all the words get crammed inside with all the ideas and songs and that is when i lose it. the ideas i have would be incredible if i could figure out how to explain what they are. but that is how my brain works. sometimes i don't make any sense. even to myself. i need to find a way to put my brain energy into action. i guess that's why i am venting to you right now. 

[insert YOUR name here]

thanks for listening.

I remember playing with the leftover bricks after my friends house was built. They were just the standard bricks. You know, the red ones. 

Anyways, I remember trying to see how high I could stack them until they would wobble and fall down. One landed on my foot once...but that's not the point. 

The reason I bring this up is because, I feel like not a lot has changed. I still see how high I can build my walls, until they come tumbling down. Only now it isn't with the red bricks. I now build my walls with insecurities, fears, doubts, and things that just scare me.

I get so guarded sometimes. 

I hide behind these walls that have graffiti that say, "happy", "confident" and "perfect", when in reality the walls are built with the things that contrast those words. 

The problem with doing this is not that the walls come down, because I know they shouldn't be built anyways, but it's the fact that the walls come down all at once with a loud crash when they reach the bottom. 

I hold everything inside way too long and then I have a break down. I don't know if this is making sense to any of you. This might just apply to me. But, if this does apply to you in anyway, let's make a promise to each other right now. Let's promise to not build our walls so high anymore.

 Repeat after me: I, [insert YOUR name here], do promise, to never build my walls to point where I can no longer see over them. I will not let my fears and doubts overcome my confidence and happiness again. I promise to do this for the rest of my life.

I feel like the people that try so hard to be different, are the people that struggle the most. They are the ones with the low self esteem desperately trying to get somebody to notice them. But, I could be wrong. Maybe, they are the ones with the most confidence and just want to stand out among their peers. Whatever their reason may be, whether their self esteem is fallen or they are glowing with confidence, we shouldn't judge them. In fact, I think we should give them props. Give them props for trying something different and new. Really it is a beautiful thing. Imagine if everyone looked the same. Imagine if everyone dressed the same. Or if everyone talked the same and liked the same things. This world would be boring. Diversity in races, styles, hobbies, and skills is what makes life fun. We are attracted to different things. We have different strengths and weaknesses. We all look different, yet we are all human. We all make mistakes. We all have feelings. So why make someone feel worthless or judge someone because of their differences? Everyone has a reason for everything. But they shouldn't have to explain why they do the things they do. It is their choice. I think we should all strive to be different. 

i

don't

care

what

you

say

about

me

it

is 

what 

i

say 

about 

myself

that 

matters

all

i 

want

is

to

be

me

and 

being 

me

is

different

why

would

i

want

to

be

like

everyone

else

when

i

can

be

me

forget

about

what

people

say

[insert YOUR name here]

you 

are

beautifully 

different

and 

that 

is

the

best 

thing

you 

can

be

because 

being

different

means

you

are

just

being

[insert YOUR name here]